Friends: A personal study into the people who accompany us through life.
I’ve made a lot of friends in my lifetime. I’ve moved towns as an adult 6 times, and each time it’s meant reestablishing myself and my family into a circle of supportive people. In my early adult days, if I met you, we were friends, unless of course you did something despicable or really uncool, and in that case, you would probably remain a friend, just a distant one. The years have since sharpened my judgement. Now, you need to tick a few boxes for me. But over the years I have identified several classes or categories of friends I’ve had in my life, and every time I meet a new person, I find myself subconsciously categorising them and analysing how they could possibly fit into my life.
Overthinking it? Probably.
The Friend-Slut: This person has lots of friends. They introduce themselves to new people, and invite them over for coffee without qualm and they get intimate very quickly. Everyone knows them. But after a few weeks, as new people enter the picture, the old friends get less attention. Essentially, the friend slut is so busy with all her friends, that strong deep friendships are unable to be achieved for very long. A must have in your life, the Friend-Slut is a networker and introducer.
The Best Friend: The opposite to a Friend-Slut, the Best Friends choose one person who they connect with, then they devote all their attention and time to them. I’ve had several of these over time, and all have been caring, attentive listeners and sharers. They’re always available for coffee you can rely on their support and friendship long term (unless some ugly drama infiltrates in which case you’ll never hear from them again). Careful not to have too many of Best Friends, it can get tricky.
The Occasional Friend: Life needs to be full of Occasional Friends. They’re the ones you see in the street, sometimes have coffee with. You catch up, but you don’t overshare or plan activities with. They make you feel a part of a community. They share gossip but don’t become your gossip. These friends have no expectations or judgement. Good for laughs.
The Long-Distance Friend: These come from relocation. In every town I’ve lived in, I’ve left behind a myriad of people I’ve come to know. However, not all have stayed in touch. Only a select few have stood the test of distance and time. These friendships take a lot more effort, travelling, phone calls and forgiveness. However Long-Distance friends are often life-long and shows commitment and real appreciation.
The School Friend: As suggested, these people you’ve known most of your life. They know who you are really deep down, because they knew you when you were a kid, before you learned how to control your tempers and keep a secret. Although not necessary, School Friends are useful in providing security and comfort when you lose yourself, or just when you go back to your home town at Christmas time and need to escape from your family.
The Unintended/Undesired Friend: I have mixed feelings about this category. These are people you meet, and don’t particularly click with, but they keep showing up in your life and somehow weasel their way into a friendship status. I’ve known a great many of these, and unfortunately my first instinct is usually spot on.
Ideally, a good mix of the above will create a well-rounded and socially gratifying life. However, at times I feel like the Occasional Friends take over, and I crave a Best Friend. Although, I’ve also found myself with two Best Friends at the same time, and I felt overwhelmed with obligation to both. Expectedly, I’ve also had to let some Long Distance friends go without a fight, life just gets too busy.
But despite what category of friends you have, they remain an intrinsic part of our journey and self, so be discerning, but not judgmental. Because we all need friends in our life.